When To Pop?

You know those situations that occur, and you say, "Well, this is no fun, but someday we will look back on it and laugh"?

I have a feeling Hilary is going through one of those times right now. To say that she is ready to be engaged is to say that the Cookie Monster would prefer some Chips Ahoy in the very near future.

I am trying to put myself in her shoes. It's easier to be me right now - I know how the story ends. I know when we are getting engaged.

She, on the other hand, is completely in the dark. And, I admit, I'm not helping things. I am in a bit of a precarious position - I want to reinforce my feelings to her so she will feel safe and secure in our relationship, but at the same time, I don't want her to be thinking that our engagement is just around the corner.

Is that wrong of me? I don't know (actually, probably). But I want it to be a surprise to her, and the longer I can hold her off thinking that engagement is imminent, the easier it will be to pull off.

Which brings me to this post.

I've been trying to avoid any direct talks about our future because the engagement is so close at hand. I suppose I know that is nearly impossible, especially since we are moving in together in the next few weeks.

Friday we had a long talk about the state of things in our relationship, and I had to figure out a way to keep her in the dark without making her feel insecure. This was, as you can imagine, not so easy.

My plan all along has been to set up the actual proposal around Labor Day weekend. We are going to Virginia Beach that weekend to be with her family, and I know how much her family means to her. It's the perfect setting to me.

Here is the problem though - Labor Day is still over a month away. That doesn't seem like a long time to me, but it appears that Hilary's mental calendar advances in dog years these days. A month until engagement to her might as well be six more months.

In speaking to my father about this on Friday, he continued to urge me to just get it over with. I see his point - it's going to be a special moment no matter how or when I do it. At the same time, I still believe that though it will be special no matter what, it can still be "more special". My analogy to him was if you win $40 million in the lottery, you will be excited, but you will be even more excited if you win $100 million, and if you had a choice between the two, you'd choose the latter, right? (Note - using analogies runs in my family; we are unable to communicate without them. It's either a blessing or a curse - lately I've been leaning towards curse).

Her family is important to her, and therefore it's important to me that they be a part of the engagement in some form or fashion. It's something I really don't want to bend on.

So, I want to wait. I know I could do it at any time between now and then, and I know it would certainly be a load off of Hilary's mind (see previous post regarding the cruise), but I am stubborn.

Hopefully, the angst Hilary is feeling now will turn to laughter someday when we look back on this.

Or, she will kill me.