Genius at work?

Hi, it's me. It's about 2:42 am on Saturday, August 4 (or late Friday night, however you want to look at it), and I can't sleep.

This is not a trait that Hilary possesses. She and I differ greatly in our sleeping habits. She typically goes to sleep around 11:00 pm every night, and can be sawing logs within a few moments of head hitting pillow. I on the other hand am my father's child, and a restless mind keeps me up most nights well past 1:00. On the other hand, I can nap with the best of them, and can easily nod off on all forms of transportation (even rollerblades), whereas Hilary can't sleep anywhere but in a bed. She is way too nervous to sleep on planes, trains, or (in) automobiles for fear of what might happen whilst she is out. It's one of the many differences we have, but, like Paula Abdul and MC Skat Cat will tell you, opposites attract (yeah, try not to get that song stuck in your head now).

I suppose that is all a digression from why I am writing tonight in the early morning hours, which is to say this: I think I just came up with a geniusly devious (or deviously genius?) way to propose, and since I just thought of it, I can't stop thinking about it, so I am writing it down now for perpetuity and so I don't forget the plan tomorrow.

If I haven't mentioned this before, I am creative to a fault. Everything has to be unique and/or funny with me. I can't just send out an evite for an event saying "Come to the party"; I have to make it funny or witty somehow*, and could spend hours slaving over every word to make sure it is up to par, neglecting personal appearance or hygiene until the work is done.

With my engagement, there is no way I can settle for just spraying around a few rose petals and writing her a poem or something cheesy like that - I have to do something different. I must do something that will make people say, "Wow, that's pretty cool", or at least nod approvingly before turning the conversation to something more socially relevant like Obama's health care initiatives.

In planning said engagement, there are a few things I will want to take advantage of. To wit:

- I love planning surprises
- Hilary is extremely gullible
- I love taking advantage of that fact

Though the end game is drawing nearer, I haven't spent too much time planning up until tonight. I always do my best work at deadline, and I knew that once it started getting closer the ol' right brain would go to work.

Tonight, as I lay down to sleep, right brain finally decided it was time to get serious. And here is what I came up with (subject to change). Hold on to your scrotums, here comes genius.

I am going to create an evite for a dinner party at Piedmont Park. This evite will not be sent out by me though; most likely, I will get Ben and Amanda (soon to be) Dorfman to do this, as they live near the park and already know of my plans to propose in the near future. Also it will help lead Hilary to believe that nothing is afoot.

The Dorfmans will invite the traditional Sunday night dinner crowd, who will all believe the event is real. The arrangements will call for dinner at the park starting around 8:00 pm, with dessert to follow after dark back at their apartment. People will respond yea or nay to the event without actually knowing they are decoys, adding legitimacy.

On the day of the event, I will actually break the news of the engagement to the invited guests ahead of time, letting them all know it was just a clever ruse, and though they will not actually get to dine at the park, they will instead be re-routed to dinner at Hannah and Will's. I will gently ask everyone not to pass this information on to Hilary, and will gently remind them that if they do I will (gently) beat them to death with their own thumbs.

That evening, Hilary and I will head out to the park with a blanket to sit on and an appetizer (as stipulated in the evite), but I will tell Hilary we need to leave a little early to get a bottle of wine. We will arrive at the park "earlier" than anyone else, but her suspicions should not be aroused due to the wine-getting errand.

Once we are at the park and have laid out our blanket and appetizer (first thought: brie and crackers, she loves that), I will pour us two glasses of wine and make a toast, and at that point, will pop the question. Hilary, not seeing this coming, will suffer a mind explosion.

After the initial excitement, we will finish our drink, I will let her know there was no actual dinner, and we will head home to change for a nice romantic dinner.

On our way back, I will say, let's stop into Hannah and Will's real quick to say hello because they really want to congratulate us. When we walk in, all of our friends will be there to surprise her and say congrats, leading to mind explosion #2.

We will only stay for a few minutes though, just long enough to see everyone, and then we will actually go to dinner at a really nice restaurant (unless they open a Whataburger in Atlanta in the next three weeks) and spend of the rest of the evening alone.

It's entirely possible I may come up with a different plan than this before the target day, but sitting here tonight I think this could be the winner. Piedmont Park is beautiful, it's large enough that we can be in public but still share a fairly private moment, and it also has some significance in our relationship as we went ate a picnic lunch there during her first visit to Atlanta.

The only real obstacles I can think of are the threat of inclement weather and potential leaks, but it's worth the gamble to me if I can pull this off.

We'll know if I did in just a few short weeks...

* Funny or witty in my eyes, at least. I'm only out to amuse myself, sorry.